Do the Math: Alternative Meanings of 8647 vs. Trump’s Actual Threats

Who is the real threat?

The numbers 8647, recently seen constructed with seashells on beaches and on the sides of freight cars, are not threats against our vengeance-seeking, thin-skinned president-in-name-only. Here, in fact, are possible meanings of the four digits juxtaposed with PINO’S actual threats:

•8647. The winning numbers in Illinois’ Pick Four lottery last June. I have never won despite spending exactly $8,647 on scratch-off tickets.

President Trump threatens Bruce Springsteen: “…this dried out ‘prune’ of a rocker (his skin is all atrophied!) ought to KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT until he gets back into the Country, that’s just ‘standard fare.’ Then we’ll all see how it goes for him!”(May 2025)

•8647. The code I used on a hotel safe in San Pedro de Sula, Honduras. Note to hotel’s housekeeping staff: Please return my passport and my American Express card. No questions asked.

President Trump threatens General Milley for “an act so egregious that, in times gone by, the punishment would have been DEATH.” (September 2023) Bonus threat from Congressional Trump lackey and nutter Arizona Congressman Paul Gosar: “In a better society, quislings like the strange sodomy-promoting General Milley would be hung.”

•My last grocery bill at Costco ($86.47). Why did I think I needed that case of Ex-lax chocolate bars?

President Trump threatens Hillary Clinton. “If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people — maybe there is, I don’t know.”(August 2016)

Little Rock, Arkansas, 2015. Photo by Stephen J. Lyons.

•8647. The approximate population of Ketchikan, Alaska, pets and moose excluded.

President Trump threatens former Congresswoman Lynne Cheney: “She’s a radical war hawk. Let’s put her with a rifle standing there with nine barrels shooting at her, okay? Let’s see how she feels about it ... when the guns are trained on her face.”(October 2024)

•8647. My combined net income as a writer in 1995, 1996, and 1997.

President Trump threatens peaceful American protestors: “Can’t you just shoot them? Just shoot them in the legs or something? (June 2020)

Champaign, Illinois, 2025. Photo by Stephen J. Lyons.

•8647. The number of times I have heard the Eagles’ “Take It Easy.”

President Trump threatens journalists with prison rape: “You tell the reporter, ‘Who is it?’ And the reporter will either tell you or not. And if the reporter doesn’t want to tell you, it’s bye-bye, the reporter goes to jail. And when the reporter learns that he’s going to be married in two days to a certain prisoner that’s extremely strong, tough and mean, he will say, ‘You know’ … I think I’m going to give you the information.’”(November 2022)

Photo by Stephen J. Lyons.

•8647. The hours I’ve spent watching baby elephant videos on YouTube. Aw, so cute!

President Trump threatens the “enemy within”: We have some very bad people; we have some sick people, radical-left lunatics. And it should be very easily handled by, if necessary, by the National Guard—or, if really necessary, by the military.” (October 2024)

Champaign Illinois, 2025. Photo by Stephen J. Lyons

•8647. Wait time (in minutes) I have been put on hold calling the IRS help line.

The President threatens migrants: “Privately, the president had often talked about fortifying a border wall with a water-filled trench, stocked with snakes or alligators, prompting aides to seek a cost estimate. He wanted the wall electrified, with spikes on top that could pierce human flesh. After publicly suggesting that soldiers shoot migrants if they threw rocks, the president backed off when his staff told him that was illegal. But later in a meeting, aides recalled, he suggested that they shoot migrants in the legs to slow them down.” (NYT October 2019)

Pan American Highway, Guatemala 2024. Photo by Stephen J. Lyons.

•8647. Encryption code for entrance into a Bowery speakeasy called “The Alibi. If you go, ask for Sal “bone breaker” Marcowitz. Tell him I said to take care of you.

Trump threatens a protestor at his campaign rally: “The guards are being very gentle with him. I’d like to punch him in the face, I’ll tell you that. You know what they used to do to a guy like that in a place like this? They’d be carried out on a stretcher, folks.” Same rally, Trump opines on waterboarding: “I think it’s great but I don’t think we go far enough.” (February 2016)

•8647. If you add up 8+6+4+7 you arrive at the sum of 25, the number worn by former White Sox pitcher Tommy John. Bonus fact: It will be at least 25 years until the White Sox have a winning record.

Trump threatens all of us: “IF YOU GO AFTER ME, I’M COMING AFTER YOU!” (August 2023)

Bull. Photo by Stephen J. Lyons. Any likeness to the 47th president is purely coincidental.

•8647. The number of times since January 20th that I have said, “Did you hear what Trump just said?!”

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